Just what ARE your qualifications?

Submitted by Danthol:
Okay, Mr Nacho expert, what exactly are your qualifications? I mean, c'mon you haven't even had the spicy variety of the "El Ranchero" chips. Before you give any more nacho "Advice" (and I use the term lightly) you need to give us your qualifications! Being on the nachosrule.com payroll, you should take your job very seriously! I'm sure Rusty Wyatt would have preferred a straight answer about nacho creator Ignacio Anaya. Concerned in Arizona, Danthol

Response:
Ah yes, the man wants credentials. Now please keep in mind that the "Nacho Expert" is more than just an expert on nachos. I know things about many topics. So how can I prove it? Well, currently, I can tell you that I am officially a college graduate and I possess CSTE and GEQAFTRW certifications. I have also searched the globe for other certifications that would do me justice. I will explain some of them here...

I checked into Mensa. They wanted me to take an IQ test to prove my worth. I decided that paying people to take a test and then continuing to pay them to be a member is not a smart thing to do. Therefore, I am a self-proclaimed, certified genius for figuring this out, being satisfied with my level of intelligence, and not wasting my money.

I also checked into being a food critic. The problem with this is that food critics are generally negative, hence the word "critic". I like different foods, and just because I don't like something, it doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else to like it. Therefore, I have become a self-proclaimed "Certified Food Admirer".

Now what about various graduate level education programs: MBA, PHD, MD, etc? Well, these are all good for getting a certain job, and they sometimes will allow you to make more money. Will I get one of these titles? Probably some day. Do I think someone's expertise can be defined by these titles? Absolutely not. I have found that the amount learned in classes at school pales in comparison with what you can learn elsewhere in real life.

Then I began to explore my sanity. To begin I had to ask myself, "what is the definition of insanity?". To me, it seems that insanity is seeing the world in an entirely different way than the majority of people. People are shunned, ignored, or have even been killed for seeing things differently. I try to explore all options. Someone shows me the accepted theories for why something is the way it is, and I want to hear other, far fetched theories. As far as I'm concerned anything is possible, and nothing is true (kudos to you if you see the paradox there). Therefore, I would also define myself as certifiable.

As you can see from how long this response is, I do take my job very seriously. I have also tried the spicy version of "El Ranchero" chips. I just prefer to use the regular chips in the green bag and to spice it up myself. I have given you my qualifications as the nacho expert. I don't know if the qualifications will satisfy you are not. Giving advice is not the same as giving THE answers. I can tell you what I think the answer is, but each reader needs to analyze what they are told and decide if they agree or not. I appreciate your concern, and I hope this provides a learning experience to all who read it...if they decide they want to learn from it.

The Nacho Expert